Working On Those Weighty Issues

This was my first week on the plan and it wasn't so good.  I was going to work on three different things I wanted to change.

1.  Eating breakfast or at least a piece of fruit or a serving of yogurt.  Something is better than nothing.
2.  Drinking more water and less diet Coke. 
3.  Cut back on sweets. 

It was a hectic week with traveling in and out of town which meant eating out for several meals and grabbing food (usually junk food) on the go.  When I was at home I was too tired to even think about cooking or eating right.  Have you ever had one of those weeks?  

Instead of telling you everything I did wrong, I'll tell you what I did right.  I ate breakfast every morning.  Nothing major mind you, but a granola bar or a yogurt and I could tell a difference in how I felt throughout the day.  I still had something sweet everyday but only once or twice a day.  I really was being mindful of that.  And I did drink water...occasionally.  So while I didn't have a good result on the scale, I did have success. I knew I was starting off at a bad time, but is there really ever a good time?  

Eating out is a real challenge for me.  I know you can go to a restaurant and most menus have healthy options.  You can ask for your food to be prepared without fat, or have the sauces and dressings on the side,  and get something grilled not fried.  I know you can plan ahead by checking out the nutrition content online for most restaurants so you can make a healthy decision about your meal.   But here's the deal.  When I go out to eat, I don't want the same kind of food I fix at home.  I want the creamy crab dip, bbq ribs, loaded baked potato and chocolate lava cake kind of meal!  And giving in to that is one of the many reasons I am where I am today.  I will do better!

This coming week shouldn't involve traveling, but I will have my granddaughter for a few days which involves completely different challenges!  

TGIF y'all!!

xo Annette xo

The Weighty Things

(source)

Hi Friends,

This is a difficult subject for me to write about but one I feel most compelled to share.  I had even started a second blog two years ago to focus on my my struggles with weight, but it turns out I wasn't able to successfully maintain two blogs and keep them separate.  My daily life revolves around food, my weight, and diabetes. 

I was overweight as a child but was never teased or felt left out because of it.  I don't think I really even realized I had a problem until my mother told me I needed to lose weight.  From that point on I've always been on a diet and have had body image issues.  I've lost count of the number of times I've joined Weight Watchers and lost significant amounts of weight only to gain it all back and then some.   Now here I am at my heaviest.  I need to lose 120 pounds.

When it comes to my size and how I look, I'm miserable in every way.  Physically I'm tired all the time.  I don't have the energy and stamina I should still have at my age and every joint hurts.  Mentally it's pretty much on my mind all day and when I go to bed at night.  Emotionally I beat myself up, feel guilty all the time, and feel pretty hopeless about losing the weight.

I know there are those who believe people like me just need to exercise self control.  I wish it was that easy, but it's quite complicated.  First, I'm on insulin for type 2 diabetes.  Insulin causes weight gain which requires more insulin which causes more weight gain.  It's a vicious cycle.  Second, I've learned to use food to cope with loneliness, and depression, and disappointment. Food keeps me company and has become my best friend.  I know that's hard to understand if you've never had food issues.  Third, food addiction.  Sweets are my drug of choice.  I'm not making excuses, but trying to explain how I got here and why it's not as easy as some people might think to just "lose the weight".

The good news is I'm ready to tackle the problem.  It's not going to be an easy journey, nor will it be quick or pretty.  It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'm not waiting until after Christmas to start.  I think by starting now I will have more self control during this "food season".

I know most women struggle with their weight.  Do you?  How do you deal with it?  I'd really like to know.

xo Annette xo

The Old Woman and the Pie

This past Friday my husband took the day off to spend with me to celebrate my birthday.  I originally wanted to visit a distant town that I heard had cobblestone streets lined with quaint gift and antique shops.  It was supposed to be a rainy day so I opted for a movie, dinner and evening at Barnes and Noble instead.

We arrived at the theater and bought tickets for Letters To Juliet, which I highly recommend if you're in to love stories and chick flicks!!  We had about a half hour to kill so we walked over to the Pennsylvania Dutch Market hoping for a place to sit down and get something to drink.  Luck would have it there was a little cafe inside so we sat down and after glancing at the menu decided to order a piece of pie.  Michael got coconut cream and I got fresh strawberry.

9 inch strawberry pie from Shandles

I began looking around at this place I had never been to before.  There was an elderly couple sitting to my left and up a table and the woman was facing me.  She was in my direct line of sight so everytime I looked up I saw her.  The very first thing I noticed about her was how old she looked.  Her face was quite wrinkled with a down turned mouth and pinched lips.  My first thought was that she looked angry and bitter.  She spoke quite loudly and repeated everything because her companion was obvioulsy hard of hearing.  They were the kind of things that made Michael and I look at each other and smile.  Things like her email must be broke because she hadn't got one in a week and that was just a lie!  Her tone of voice matched her angry bitter look!

The server brought us our pie and mine looked  pretty good except the crust was white like it hadn't been baked.  The strawberries were large and covered in a thick red glaze of yummy goodness.  It was the most bland disappointing piece of strawberry pie I've ever tasted!  I ate less than half of it and pushed it away watcing Michael enjoy his only okay coconut pie.  The whole time I was aware of the old woman watching me. 

I have to admit I was stealing glances at her too.  The wrinkles, angry look and bitterness in her voice made me wonder what kind of life she had lived.  What happened to her that made her come across so miserable and unhappy.  Not once did she smile.  Not even when I smiled at her.

As we got up to leave, I sensed her watching me again.  I turned around with my back to her and as I walked away I thought I heard her say, "Did you see how big that woman was?"  I wasn't sure if I heard her right and I knew she was going to repeat it, so I turned around and stepped back towards the table.  "Did you see the size of that woman?  All they did was come here to get dessert".  And just in case EVERYONE hadn't heard, she said it again even louder!  I stood there in shock as all eyes were on me.  I so badly wanted to say something but couldn't think of a thing to say. 

All I could do was stare at her and I wanted to punch her face!  I stared her down and she was squirming.  She would look to see if I was still looking and then look away, fidgeting with her hair and changing her position in the seat.  I was making her uncomfortable but it didn't compare to how uncomfortable I felt standing there.  I was angry, embarrassed and ashamed at the same time.  Even now as I write this, I feel it all over again and my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding and I want to send her false teeth flying across the room!

I'm not a petite little thing.  I'm quite a big girl and have been most of my life.  I've struggled with my weight since I was in the third grade.  This was just one more incident in a string of events that have happened since the first of the year regarding my weight.   

You're not going to believe this but on some level that I can't comprehend yet, I'm grateful for that old woman's comment.  It has forced me to admit that my situation is serious and life threatening.  It was the final push I needed to do something about it before it's too late.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  That wrinkled, bitter, angry, unhappy, miserable old woman is going to change my life!

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