The Decision That Started It All~Blogtoberfest 2012 Day 23

Point Lookout, St. Mary's County, Maryland

Back in 2004, Michael started a new job with a new company.  In fact, he was the first person the company hired.  Six months later they offered him a new position that required us moving 125 miles south of where we were.  They sent us for a long weekend to see if it was a location we would be interested in, and if it was, they would move us down there for a six month trial to see if we would like it and if having an office there would work for the company.

For many reasons, I knew about half way through the trial period that I didn't want to live there permanently.   Michael on the other hand loved this new location and wanted to stay.  So we did.  I was not happy.  Here it is eight years later and I'm still not happy.  I would move back to where we were in a heartbeat.

The first two years we lived in an apartment 40 minutes from town.  I couldn't wait to move closer to civilization.  I was lonely stuck out in the boonies.  I did a lot of going back and forth to the old place to see the kids and visit friends.  I missed them all so much.

We bought a house and moved to town and within a few months I decided to go to work.  The new neighbors weren't very neighborly and I figured a job would get me out of the house and I would meet people and finally make some friends.  I got a job at a gift shop that rented spaces to artists and crafters to sell their creations.  I loved that job.  It lasted two years.  I had to quit due to health issues.  I had a great working relationship with my coworkers but it never progressed to more than that.

It's been over three years since I left the gift shop.  I'm still lonely and health issues still abound.  It was the decision to stay here that changed my life as I knew it.  I would be lying if I said I didn't resent Michael from time to time for making that decision knowing how I felt.  I certainly didn't expect these years of my life to be  full of lonliness, depression, pain, and depending on food to keep me company.  I guess the good news is that I'm ready to tackle these issues and get back to a life that is happy, productive, and fulfilling.  If I don't do something now, I'm afraid I'll give up.

xo Annette xo

Letter To My Younger Self

Letter to Annette in 1975

Dear Annette,
I know how disappointed, angry, sad and scared you are at this moment.  You feel like the world has ended and you might as well die.  You are hating the army, your dad and life in general right now.  It's understandable.  You're seventeen and your world has been turned upside down. 

I'm writing this to let you know you're going to be okay.  Your senior year of high school won't be what you planned, but it won't be as awful as you imagine it will be.  You will be surprised at how quickly you make friends and are welcomed into the group.  These new friends are going to help you get through the next year and are even going to throw you a surprise eighteenth birthday party!  You and your mom are going to become closer because she is home and not working.   You're going to learn about compassion, telling the truth and taking responsibility for your actions.  Trust me when I say you will look back on this time and see how you began growing into the woman you are today.

The next fifteen months are going to be emotional, fun, traumatic, heart wrenching, eye opening and essential to who you are becoming!  It's okay to be sad because of what you are leaving behind, but I encourage you to look forward with an open mind to all the possibilities and adventures that are in front of you!

Love,
Annette from 2010

I've mentioned many times that I was an army brat.  In August 1975 my dad received orders to go to White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico.  We lived outside St. Louis and I had attended my high school for two years and my schedule was set for my senior year.  To say I was devestated is an understatement.  Many offers from friends' parents were made to allow me to stay with them but my parents wouldn't hear of it.  In true seventeen year old fashion, I cried, stomped my feet, yelled and slammed doors.  I just wanted to die!!

My senior year was a disappointment but my friends made it bearable.  If it wasn't for them, I think I would have died on the inside and would be a very different person today.  At that age, your friends and school are your life.  I guess my mom still has the pictures from that time because I couldn't find any and I know there were a lot of them!  The picture above was taken just before we moved.  I was going to a formal banquet at church for all the seniors. (I made the dress!)

If you could write a letter to your younger self, at what point in your life would that be?

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Annette