Point Lookout, St. Mary's County, Maryland
For many reasons, I knew about half way through the trial period that I didn't want to live there permanently. Michael on the other hand loved this new location and wanted to stay. So we did. I was not happy. Here it is eight years later and I'm still not happy. I would move back to where we were in a heartbeat.
The first two years we lived in an apartment 40 minutes from town. I couldn't wait to move closer to civilization. I was lonely stuck out in the boonies. I did a lot of going back and forth to the old place to see the kids and visit friends. I missed them all so much.
We bought a house and moved to town and within a few months I decided to go to work. The new neighbors weren't very neighborly and I figured a job would get me out of the house and I would meet people and finally make some friends. I got a job at a gift shop that rented spaces to artists and crafters to sell their creations. I loved that job. It lasted two years. I had to quit due to health issues. I had a great working relationship with my coworkers but it never progressed to more than that.
It's been over three years since I left the gift shop. I'm still lonely and health issues still abound. It was the decision to stay here that changed my life as I knew it. I would be lying if I said I didn't resent Michael from time to time for making that decision knowing how I felt. I certainly didn't expect these years of my life to be full of lonliness, depression, pain, and depending on food to keep me company. I guess the good news is that I'm ready to tackle these issues and get back to a life that is happy, productive, and fulfilling. If I don't do something now, I'm afraid I'll give up.
xo Annette xo
Good for you for sharing this story. It's never easy to put things out there. It's hard to move somewhere that maybe we don't like or don't feel comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in Canada and about 20 years ago moved to So Cal. At first it was very hard. I knew no one. I mean no one. I didn't work at the time, I was home with my older two who were little at the time. We lived in an apt too for a while and I remember my only saving grace was that there was a Joanns fabric/craft about a 15-20 minute walk. I'd pile the kids in the stroller and walk there almost every day. I remember feeling very lonely.
Now 20 years later - I can't imagine living anywhere else. Obviously it took time to make friends and feel at home, but now this is home and I can't imagine living anywhere else. I went back to work about 7 or 8 years ago and that was one of the best things that I ever did too, it made me feel more useful and you certainly meet more people.
Sorry, long winded - but know that you aren't alone in feeling that way. :-)
I know you have felt like this for a long time I am so sorry. I think it is really hard to connect with people once the kids have grown. In many ways you are forced to be around people and at least have kids in common when they are smaller. I hope you are able to look around and find some sort of like minded groups to join - our twon has a sewers group that uses donated fabric to make lap quilts for the cancer wing at the hosp. ...maybe even better start your own! XOXO
ReplyDeleteOh Annette! I live in my hometown, so it is very comfortable in some ways, and I do have family here. But we are very far from the city, shopping, and culture, and sometimes it has felt very lonely to live here and have no friends that are interested in what I am interested in. Those are the times when I am SO grateful for the online crafting community! We'll always be here for you Annette! *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteAnnette, I'm offering you free hugs whenever you want them! It's not much, but hugs help... :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, not about moving, but for the past 3 months my husband has been in New York City opening a new office for his company, and I have been home alone now that my daughter is back at school. Making the decisions to be happy is a great place to start, just remember to take baby steps and reward yourself along the way.
ReplyDeleteValerie
Everyday Inspired
Annette, it sounds like you've decided to take a deep breath of fresh air, leave the things that have made you unhappy behind you and tackle the future. I applaud you're determination to embrace a positive and productive lifestyle.
ReplyDeletePlease know that we are all here cheering you on. :)
You're very courageous for getting this out in the open. Just telling someone how you feel helps to ease the pain.
ReplyDeleteMy mother was much the same way when they moved from Iowa to Michigan for my father's job. After 6 months at home, she was dying to get out of the house and finally meet people!
I hope you're able to make some changes that make you truly happy :)
That must have taken courage to write that.it sounds like you get on well with people...and just need to find the right forum for that to happen. A sewing group could be a beginning... Or start your own for those who wish to meet up, sew and talk such as yourself.i hope you find the strength to give it a go and that happiness is what you choose and find. Take care, hugs
ReplyDeleteJenni
Annette, I totally missed this post while I was on vacation. You are so brave to put your feelings out there for the world to see and I commend you for that!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is so much about where you live as HOW you live. I live in a metropolitan city and that can be just as distant and annonymous as living in the boonies. And to be perfectly honest, I am a loner by nature so it sort of suits me. I hope you know that I adore my blog friends and truely count you as a friend.