This is a difficult subject for me to write about but one I feel most compelled to share. I had even started a second blog two years ago to focus on my my struggles with weight, but it turns out I wasn't able to successfully maintain two blogs and keep them separate. My daily life revolves around food, my weight, and diabetes.
I was overweight as a child but was never teased or felt left out because of it. I don't think I really even realized I had a problem until my mother told me I needed to lose weight. From that point on I've always been on a diet and have had body image issues. I've lost count of the number of times I've joined Weight Watchers and lost significant amounts of weight only to gain it all back and then some. Now here I am at my heaviest. I need to lose 120 pounds.
When it comes to my size and how I look, I'm miserable in every way. Physically I'm tired all the time. I don't have the energy and stamina I should still have at my age and every joint hurts. Mentally it's pretty much on my mind all day and when I go to bed at night. Emotionally I beat myself up, feel guilty all the time, and feel pretty hopeless about losing the weight.
I know there are those who believe people like me just need to exercise self control. I wish it was that easy, but it's quite complicated. First, I'm on insulin for type 2 diabetes. Insulin causes weight gain which requires more insulin which causes more weight gain. It's a vicious cycle. Second, I've learned to use food to cope with loneliness, and depression, and disappointment. Food keeps me company and has become my best friend. I know that's hard to understand if you've never had food issues. Third, food addiction. Sweets are my drug of choice. I'm not making excuses, but trying to explain how I got here and why it's not as easy as some people might think to just "lose the weight".
The good news is I'm ready to tackle the problem. It's not going to be an easy journey, nor will it be quick or pretty. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not waiting until after Christmas to start. I think by starting now I will have more self control during this "food season".
I know most women struggle with their weight. Do you? How do you deal with it? I'd really like to know.
When it comes to my size and how I look, I'm miserable in every way. Physically I'm tired all the time. I don't have the energy and stamina I should still have at my age and every joint hurts. Mentally it's pretty much on my mind all day and when I go to bed at night. Emotionally I beat myself up, feel guilty all the time, and feel pretty hopeless about losing the weight.
I know there are those who believe people like me just need to exercise self control. I wish it was that easy, but it's quite complicated. First, I'm on insulin for type 2 diabetes. Insulin causes weight gain which requires more insulin which causes more weight gain. It's a vicious cycle. Second, I've learned to use food to cope with loneliness, and depression, and disappointment. Food keeps me company and has become my best friend. I know that's hard to understand if you've never had food issues. Third, food addiction. Sweets are my drug of choice. I'm not making excuses, but trying to explain how I got here and why it's not as easy as some people might think to just "lose the weight".
The good news is I'm ready to tackle the problem. It's not going to be an easy journey, nor will it be quick or pretty. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not waiting until after Christmas to start. I think by starting now I will have more self control during this "food season".
I know most women struggle with their weight. Do you? How do you deal with it? I'd really like to know.
xo Annette xo
I wish you the best on this journey Annette! You're right, I think every woman deals with weight issues whether it is 5 lbs or 100 lbs. We all know where you're coming from. *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteGood Luck and good for you for sharing!! That's really tough to do. I agree with the above poster that we all struggle with "body issues" no matter our size. I have a pretty small frame, so for me the minute I put on 5 pounds I can totally tell in my clothes. After having kids our bodies never quite "go back" to what they were and we all struggle with that.
ReplyDeleteFor me when I'm having a "feel bad about myself moment" I try and pick something to wear that's my favorite and play up a part of me that I know is a good feature. I find if I take those extra few minutes to make myself look better, I end up feeling better inside too.
Good Luck with your journey and I do hope you'll share your progress with us. :-)
Annette I applaud you for being so honest and sincere. It is not an easy thing to overcome and especially at this time of year when we are constantly faced with a barrage of feasts and tasty temptations.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it helps to tackle something like this with a friend or a buddy that is facing the same challenge. Someone you can call and talk with when you feel your spirit is slipping and likewise they can give you a call pleading for help because a platter of double-chocolate cookies is calling out to them and driving them to distraction.
Losing weight can be a roller coaster ride with its losses and gains. Please remember that one tiny slip-up does not spell disaster or failure - it's like riding a bicycle; you fall and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back on the bike. :)
You have a lot of dear friends here in blogdom and we are here to give you our support and our encouragement. Go Annette !!! Go for the gold . . . reach for your dream. Do it for Shylee, do it for your family but most importantly do it for YOU !!
Love and best wishes. :)
Annette, you are very courageous to write this post! I understand exactly what you are talking about. People who have not been addicted to something don't realize how strong that monkey on your back can be. I do not have a weight problem. My drug of choice is nicotine and I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to quit. I have a freind who has a weight problem and she says, why can't I just be thin like you and I hold up my cigarette. They are different but they are the same.
ReplyDeleteI wish you well my friend and I will be sending you strength on this journey!!!
Oh honey. You are so brave for sharing all this. Thank you for writing so beautifully and openly about something that so many women face but not all have the courage to talk about.
ReplyDeleteI have struggled with my weight for YEARS and it's only after two years of therapy that I'm finally able to separate my need for comfort from my need for food.
It's a perilous journey but one worth making. I wish you nothing but well.
Kat xxx
Annette...I so wish you well in this and totally understand where you are coming from. Diabetes is not easy... but the wonderful thing is..if you can loose the weight.. and you can...then the diabetes will be more manageable.....and you can actually reduce/eliminate the need for insulin. Can you see a dietician.. who should be able to help with diet/weight etc. This is not a challenge that should be faced alone. What about putting a weight loss scale on your blog to help hold you accountable? I'm thinking of doing that myself. While I am not diabetic I do have quite a bit to loose.
ReplyDeleteWe could start a little group!
Jenni
Annette, I am in the same boat. I don't have diabetes but I have high blood pressure and I had knee replacements in both knees. I understand how hard it is even when you want to lose the weight. I'm with Jenni, we should start a little group, hold each other accountable, and maybe having each other as support 2013 will be a year a success for all of us. Let me know, I'm in if you want to start a group.
ReplyDeleteValerie
Everyday Inspired
I actually just started weight watchers a few months ago and had some success with it. I lost 10lbs although my goal was 20. I was never a heavy girl and I guess I'm not now but other people's standards but I have had issues with my weight for a few years now. I slowly started to gain weight right when I started taking birth control. I used to never gain weight and then 8yrs later I had reached 153lbs which is the heaviest I've been. This made me very depressed and I didn't even want to look at my body. It really wasn't until I started WW that I realized I was a. not eating the right foods b. eating too much food per serving and c. I'm an emotional eater. It really help me realize that whenever I am stressed out I eat and I eat and then I feel bad for what I ate. I have gained back 5lbs of the 10 I have lost and I am starting to feel that sad feeling I get for my body. I think no matter what size you are its a personal journey for every woman and its their own personal struggle. The best thing you have to do is to set little goals to lose weight and also not give in to the depression that comes along with how you feel. Its definitely not easy but I think you can do it!
ReplyDeleteAnnette, I am sure this was a very hard blog post to write, you are braver than I.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand and know first hand what you are struggling with.
I wish you the best, be gentle on yourself thru the holidays, as they are always a challenging time.
Have a lovely weekend,
cheers, T. :)
(P.S.) my dear, as I am a chicken, I will email you with everything else :)